February 2, 2024 - new eyes; first 3 principles

February 2, 2024

N sent me --, which was wild. I see all the people who follow them, including him – and I feel like, though I know who these people are, I never actually saw them before, and they didn't see me. Couldn't.

One episode – the structure of my mind is changed. All of its images, aesthetic, messages, downloaded into me at once. No drug could come close.

Quenta's words that on a new level you start with absolutely nothing ring true – absolutely no concepts. Now I see & see new ones forming. This format is so relevant – it is the moment. All I was doing just yesterday – gone. My old forms, of writing – obsolete. It truly is like I never did anything, never was anyone, before I came here. An hour ago I was a genius poet, author, musician, artist... now I have zero ability and I haven't done shit, don't know how to do shit. While standing in a neon room full of giants.

The director is unmistakably a Letov-like figure. Strange – he is among the “players”, bluechecks, among famous and recognized people, not lowbies. Many of these people aren't that smart – they're just mouthpieces. Yet he is causing me to reconceptualize altogether how these only moderately smart mouthpieces work to begin with. Alex Jones – I mean, is he even real? Is he just a constantly yapping member in the land of the Invisible Hand that we all completely misunderstand down below? The reconceptualization is around the dynamics of these people amongst each other – these gods.

So sad. Yesterday, the utmost heights and depths of love. Then I had a foreshadowing of giving up love. Cope not needed anymore. And now the love's gone (I fear). He just brought me to a new place. But no – I don't have to go anywhere, do anything, answer to anything. Let these winds blow through. I won't get swept up. If new eyes are mine, nothing will change that, and this hit is just of a drug. I am prey to inspiration. But I see it now.

Soon my naked eyes will see differently. Before I said I feel like I'm in a dream that will never end; now I feel I'm entering a permanent dream, but calmer, it feels right to be in it, to see that everything around you feels and looks like a dream – this is natural, it doesn't need to end. What N's caricature-like vision was hinting at.

How do I explain to my former self just yesterday grappling with the bifurcation of reality into the accepted, quaint, broadcasted world and the domed simulation/movie set that the reconciliation is this, the dream realm, new eyes, and that nothing is bifurcated here? Previous dualities have collapsed into... something unsayable. There's the problem, the whole rub: there's no language to convey perspective.

I suspect there are as many realities as there are levels, that each contains, embodies, a different perspective, and cannot see the ones above it. From this springs all the humor in our language. I also suspect that the people on your level are those who seem normal while the rest of the world is little understood? Maybe not....

 

2/2/24

It's 2/2 and I live on 22- . and today is the first day of my having new eyes.

Once again all can be explained, but now more smoothly, gracefully, and casually, ordinarily. In ordinary life.

Love, used to bring me across the great invisible barrier of perspective.

But no. It is not that love was used either against me, or for me; love can be explained. The phantom can be explained. The occult as it unfolded in my world can be explained.

Yesterday I would have said that a person is a filter through whom creation passes, a reality-generator. Today I say that a person is a system, and when a system is getting weary, it wants to change to the next thing or in other words I could see the next level of my life ahead of me but I didn't yet have eyes to see it. I was getting glimpses of the new perspective, or the new place. I was like a person lying on the operating table getting major eye surgery who kept waking up and blinking and glimpsing, but using what I had seen and known previously on the new equipment. My mind was not yet ready. And it seems my whole life was this process.

The binds placed around the psyche that I saw, and the concepts outside it, that I couldn't see, that had been denied to me, to us – it was a last gasping visual making sense of a world of dying concepts, a world whose concepts are dying.

When a system is dying, all of its concepts begin to fling out and malfunction, like ribbons on a reel that start flying. The ribbon of love. The ribbon of occult knowledge. Ribbons that tie together and create a harmonious, self-sustaining worldview between themselves that when functioning go unseen and unseparated, start spooling out, and you begin to notice them [in the way that you often notice a piece of a whole when something is awry; otherwise you notice nothing, no ribbon is separate, and they all function smoothly together, blending into themselves seamlessly [into a stable reality], so that you cannot pick one apart from another]; [when the system gets old] they begin to extricate from the system.

I go to the cafe today and it's like the murmurs of the people all around me, normal people in a normal scene, whom all I can see clearly, remind me of that moment when I was in the hospital in 2015 (or 2016?) having a panic attack, feeling like the world had become 2-dimensional, and like I could almost hear the murmurs of people chatting on the other side of the screen. [Except that now rather than perceiving those murmuring people dimly across a veil I am moving among them and they are still murmuring just the same; I see their mouths moving, hear what they're saying; they are real, before me, I among them]. I'm intense now but supremely calm, ordinary and light, just being here. -- and their crowd is the first thing, art, that's really entered my new world (it's also objectively very very good), where I have yet any new concepts (high-scale concepts, valuations, and not, for example, the color blue or anything else pertaining to ordinary life. Ordinary life is untampered-with. Because my mind isn't broken – it was ready now.).

Yet at some casual interaction with a passing stranger I feel a twinge, maybe a bit of embarrassment or friction. He's stepped on my toes.

The first concept – is ego.

That's the first thing to begin populating this new place.

And since it's the first, base, foundational concept of anything, it's also the last. The last to go [when the system breaks down to change]. And when a system is dying the ego is hanging on to all that was bound within it, all its marvels and pillars and treasured, beautiful, sublime pearls. Diamonds that genuinely are diamonds of feeling and mentation, beauties and profundities that have been raised within it.

I think now I understand NDEs.

It's hard to let go of all your favorites. When a system is dying it starts going through all of the foundations within it, “unraveling” them, their importance, weight.

Love wasn't used for or against me – love was just a principle, a major theme that began unspooling and overarching my world, asserting itself, its dominance, and thus it was a major driver.

And the phantom that appeared in everyone was what I wanted to see in the “next” world, after the moment when I open my eyes, and wake up and look at the world anew. What I wanted to see and who I wanted to meet but couldn't yet [because I wasn't yet real. As Gurdjieff says – life is only real, then, when I am]. N was there before and after and I suppose that's why I saw his physical form as I knew it and his “ghost”, the part of him I couldn't yet understand; how else could the next appear in the previous but as a phantom? And in my old world, I created, named, a phantom. [who was really just an emissary from the next world. Phantom was the only way he could manifest in my then-world, which didn't have the structure, the concepts, to contain him].

And what happened in 2015? a botched rebirth. Waking up too early from the surgery. I think you can cause this to happen by going too far in extremes and this is what happens with drugs – and also I think why Quenta says that nonsleepers should avoid them – imagine a young person with a system that's gelling, and they go and take part of their perception to an extreme with drugs – you can see where all sorts of malfunctions, oddities, derangements can result. The system may never then have harmony. And it can take a long time to stabilize from this, longer than without any drugs at all. And I recall, in 2015, that it felt like the entire foundation had been cracked – down to colors, shapes, everything – ego, really – it was all disturbed.

But now none of that is affected. It happens very smoothly. Profoundly, but smoothly. The world around me is completely undisturbed. Only the space of higher level concepts is changing.

(Maybe this is the use and purpose of one like -- – to make the world/society, which now wants to change, is a system at its end – become ready, perceptually, to do so without crumbling. To ready the mind of the world. And people like N recognize their merits, are primed for finer perceptions, and so love them and working with them).

Maybe I try to do something like that, maybe I have kids – it doesn't matter, I just need to be here in this new world, which does not yet have any high-level concepts living in it, embedded in it.

That's why the liberation through language – or yesterday I would have called it liberation through language; today I say it was a way to loosen some of those concepts. At another time, any other time when you're, say, in the middle, in stability, it may just be nonsense.

“The west has fallen” - “the west” was also generated within the conceptual framework of our society. It's not the West that's falling. What we, today, all and conceptualize as “the West” is our societal delusion, the way everything that passed through me this month was also the gasping hallucinating vision of a world, or animal, on its last gasps.

An NDE is the ego fighting for its life.

The unraveling of the past several days: a nesting doll of conceptualizations: the “whole world” as controlled by the Invisible Hand; the height of love, my vision of love at its most fulfilled and realized, showing me the world as it mirrored its own self [the relationships of the world as they mirrored the relationship of us]. I (small) within the (vast) world; the (vast) world within he and I; he and I in the land of the Invisible Hand, the place where those who “ascended” disappear to just live; and then no more such land – just the ordinary world, where I feel like I'm beginning anew with no ability, and now I don't even feel that; this, too, just passed through me, another vision raised up to try and make a whole, and then dissolved.

I'm filled with ego. Real Love sits above that: real love is that water that dropped onto the paper and smudged the part where I started writing about ego; that N was there both before and after.

~

I feel like an observer in this world. I also feel like I've just woken up to see our present reality: to the cameras everywhere now and to the mystique of a song at the cafe I'm going crazy from not being able to Shazam that was played through the airwaves, and what am I supposed to do now, forget about it? I asked the autistic guy (self-proclaimed; I now understand the function of self-diagnosis as being a shield and label in this new coming illusory/real world. It was a preemptive measure) what the song was and he instead of just saying no like a “normie” (“normal person” is one of those concepts that is no more in the new system) at the counter what the song was – he went into a whole spiel on how they don't have or see a playlist, they don't even see the track listing – the music just comes out of a box. He, too, might have been conceptualizing.

–

It's all already here – the inseparability of the “real” or physical form the digital. And N was right (as he always is; he has to retain the uncompromising sharpness of his mind) (it's clear to me I came here because I wanted to be part of what he knows) – it is necessary to have one's own land, food, and so on, in order to actually be outside it.

I ought to be more discreet. I'm just a low-level agent, heralding the reprogramming, one of the people who saw it recently and, I fear, guarantees & outputs exactly what's wanted of me.

Eleven (@eleevn), one of the people who really has it all mapped out (whose posts I read today on the perceptual labyrinth/cage, what I saw, but more clearly elucidated), said

(the second concept is – self-importance)

(God – ego; vanity – Lucifer) [7/8/24 give to us as the biggest buffer for the pain of our embodied existence, our middle state]

that because these cogs were becoming visible among people when something new was introduced into the cybernetic system (as now it must be – this joining of the two once more, a new conceptual bind, another conceptual bind placed upon the person (perhaps I have been able to resist this bind), a large-scale reset must be imminent, meaning some coming event that will “pull people back in”.

All our activities are now connected. We go online to listen to music, everywhere we go in public a soundtrack is relayed. There are cameras everywhere. It is locked. The cage is locked. We have been encouraged to put our true selves onto social media rather than separate the two and use it only as a tool (as -- did so well and why I think he's been able to make something, make it look like something – but also just tireless work on his part for years – the hallmark of a level 1 person).

I felt like I was in one of his films today.

There is no “out”, at least from pop culture/greater society/public life – all public life is under the panopticon, and because people take it in conceptually – that is, I get a little free every now and then – but always want to conceptualize and connect, to make sense of, to create a beautiful image – like with the pyramid, with “the deepest occult truth at the bottom of it” to complete it –

(the third concept – the need to conceptualize; the need for completeness; the desire for death; the desire for end; the death drive)

(Trinity – and you are human – trinity was the creation of man itself

There's the Absolute – and then there was man (law of 3) )

but the conceptualization is the escape – is death – and that's the mechanism taken advantage of, that's what's used against us: the need for completion, for narrative. This is the reason why you can glimpse it truly and nakedly but then it folds into itself elegantly like a shimmering fabric and disappears. It's in the ripples that the structure, or the entrances to it, are inserted – the ripples of human perception – exactly where man can't hang.

The “system” has been wedged between into the trinity. This is the true nature of its hiddenness. Alchemy. 3 ½, or 2 ½. I must watch 8 ½. [2 2/3]

(“To become twice the man, you first have to become half the man,” Jack said to him.)

~

Did I think -- was so vast of an aesthetic world, so well timed and his world such a herald that when you see it you feel an awe and silence because it is so, or because that's what N saw and why he sent it to me, and N has communicated his vision to me, and when I watched it I immediately saw it, too? He knows everything that's happened/happening to me. He knows what it is I'm starting to see.