diary29

February 6, 2024 Every step I take needs to be connected in some way. I find the mind of Disquiet_Dreaming, a figure whom I will never know or see but as a mind – I don't want to, I don't want to embody him. I return to a time and way in the recent past, where we naturally had separate real selves and online selves and we knew these were different worlds. Now the virtual world is too close a mimicry of our real world and real selves. The internet is only for anonymity; anything else is a perversion of the truth of that world. … Maybe, maybe some can slip their real face in and blend it, or it still becomes something not them. Disquiet_Dreaming I thought was N who is also this shadow lover who has become the liberated star-god... and Disquiet_Dreaming, whom I'd have no interest in if I didn't connect him to N... even as an opposite. Even “no reason” can be a connection, if “usually the norm is to have a reason, because I'm fighting limitations I want to try no rea...

 2/4/24 ------- 2424 I feel weird again today like I did on 1/22-23 – (22- address terror on 1/22 new eyes on 2/2) 22 is, supposedly, the “angel number” signaling imminent change. And now a shadow of terror on 2424 Many people do – Z agreed. Z said he felt like he was walking in a realm of demons on Friday – he framed it in Christian Church terms – demons, angels (Jesus did not teach this – this is paganism I think, or just the control system as it was rebranded at the time (spirits, animism → angels, demons It's math – math is our only language for approaching the truth because it can describe the architecture of our “second pyramid” that we can't/aren't allowed to see) – but he also said it's an evil day, a liminal day. I agree it's liminal – because of our psyche; we're tired from work and not really working; then on the weekend we put ourselves into a different state. It's in liminal places we can catch glimpses of the “otherness” of...

February 3, 2024 The more time passes the clearer it is why the world has kept changing and changing over the past few years – one version, then another. But really it hasn't. The reality behind it hasn't changed. It's just convulsions of world-images, frantic switch-ups of outfits. I think Plotinus and the Orphics perverted the truth of what the Law of Three really is to enchant people. “The One”, Intellect (self-importance), Soul (completeness). In particular to change completeness to soul when really it's all soul together (all 3) is the big lie, and people are blind to the third principle. Alchemy in general is just a distortion of true principles into an increasingly complicating labyrinth of warped meaning that always ultimately circles back on itself, and that's why no one ever turns shit to gold. I feel like I have new eyes – N's eyes. There are many avenues to the bare metal backing plate of our metal dome. Anyone actually getting somewhe...

February 2, 2024 N sent me --, which was wild. I see all the people who follow them, including him – and I feel like, though I know who these people are, I never actually saw them before, and they didn't see me. Couldn't. One episode – the structure of my mind is changed. All of its images, aesthetic, messages, downloaded into me at once. No drug could come close. Quenta's words that on a new level you start with absolutely nothing ring true – absolutely no concepts. Now I see & see new ones forming. This format is so relevant – it is the moment. All I was doing just yesterday – gone. My old forms, of writing – obsolete. It truly is like I never did anything, never was anyone, before I came here. An hour ago I was a genius poet, author, musician, artist... now I have zero ability and I haven't done shit, don't know how to do shit. While standing in a neon room full of giants. The director is unmistakably a Letov-like figure. Strange – he is among the “p...