diary29

January 25, 2024 What the hell happened? *** Love is the highest law, the realm of love exempting you from other laws, protecting you, because, like the right name creates a barrier around you, an act of love is removed from you. What is love but sacrifice of the self, the ego (Freud got too close to the truth) (and man is purely ego (I am no longer pro annihilation or ego death))? What is ritual sacrifice but the perversion of the sacrifice of love? ~ Some thoughts, based on too little reading as always: You can just walk out at any point. You're always free to leave. Per an article on Luciferian bridge between tarot and alchemy: “guiding the seeker to hard self-realization and apotheosis” two main motifs in my life, I now see they were along this path. The vision I had was one backwards to this: there is no apotheosis, no process of self-realization. When you stand above the architecture placed upon our psyche you see that there is no going up: there...

January 22, 2024 Reality is a puzzle that can fit together from any number of pieces. You have 4 pieces? That's a whole. You have 400? A whole. 4000000? You can collect forever. I let N go, spiritually this time. He showed me what he could. Now we are spiritually unlinked, I feel, and freer – at least, he's free from me. I think this, deliberately, and once I do I “realize” it's true. ~ Thoughts on ALCHEMY/the occult/hermeticism inherently elitist is the founding, secret principle, as applied to earth and humans, that of forward and backward? That is, moving up and down? That is, it's pyramidal. Duh. Its motion is pyramidal: to transform a little bit (the few, the elite) into gold, the masses must be transformed into dirt. 3 rd Law of thermodynamics: equal but opposite action (more and more I think the only thing we really can say for sure exists is the human psyche). This thought, this pyramidal foundational belief, is a perversion of God...

January 21, 2024 What started concretely with the man at the store on 1/17 continues. Stayed up til 6 AM, reached enlightenment, a state.... I typed it; I'll attempt to write it. What happens after enlightenment? I see systems. I see the system containing every thought a person has. I see the systems and subsystems around us operating in life: the woman to my left thinking in the framework and terms of pop-psych (ADHD, autism, anxiety). The girl to my right in a conference call with someone talking about “a lot of feminists don't do this...” Some people are less entrapped in any system; the barista, whose name I don't know, whom I like and have chatted with - “white trash” thin woman who seems perpetually a bit drugged, has a child. Also the barista who's been friendly to me and sometimes tells me random snippets. ~ Could I have been cleverly trapped in my own world? Certainly. And these women – may only be playing to frameworks for the sake of work or for t...